How to Be an Instant Success Overnight

Here at the Million Words Blog we’re all about sharing the journey to, well, a million words. The journey we are all on to achieving a writing life. Now a “Writing life” might mean different things to different people, but I think we can all agree on one thing:

There are no shortcuts.

You’ve got to spend the time, you’ve got to put in the effort, you’ve got to actually, painstakingly, write a million wordy words to get there…right?

*Looks around for anyone who might be eavesdropping*

Wrong.

What I am about to share with you is super secret knowledge. You, yes, even you, can use these tips and tricks to ensure that you’ll be able to quit your Day-Job and buy the high-end vehicle of your choice the very next day.

By sharing this with you, I am letting ALL of the cats out of the bag. I am spilling ALL of the beans. I am unlocking ALL the doors. I am throwing away All the keys. By the end of this post ~YOU WILL~ know Kung-Fu.

Who let the dogs out?

I did, baby.

SO are you ready to stick your face into the firehose of creativity that will be your brain? Hang on, Travelers, cuz here we go!

Tip #1

Don’t write before you’re ready.

Seriously. You’re a busy person. There’s a lot of things that you can do while¬†thinking about writing. Lets face it, thinking about writing is just as good as actual writing. You’ll probably use the same brain, so this works as a major productivity hack.

Just like a hose that has a kink in it, or shaking up a soda bottle until you can’t hear the liquid inside anymore, or squeezing a balloon that someone else is blowing up, thinking about writing while you’re doing other things like playing games, or watching television (Hey, you’ve gotta refill that writing well, don’t you?), builds up what experts call “Word Backpressure.”

That’s what I mean by saying “Don’t write before you’re ready.” When your brain balloon is as full of words as it can possibly be (A result of all of your hard work thinking about writing)¬†THAT is when to sit down and release all of those words onto the page in one big Brain-Foosh.

After every Foosh, you’ll have at least ten chapters or several short stories in one go.

Notice that I didn’t say you should Brain-Foosh onto your keyboard. I mention actual pages because most keyboards (including yours) aren’t Fooshproof, and all those keys are already jumbled out of order. If you Foosh onto your keyboard, all of the words will come out in the wrong order and mixed up. Always Brain-Foosh onto paper.

Which brings us to…

Tip #2

You must only write with a fountain pen.

And when I say fountain pen, I am talking about a proper fountain pen – one that has a half, to full-gallon ink storage capacity. You’ll need that because mere mortal pens have ink flows that simply cannot keep up with even the lowest pressure Brain-Foosh.

You must achieve a more epic ink flow, otherwise you’ll almost certainly suffer what the experts call “Bic-burnout”. Bic-burnout isn’t pretty and, when it happens, you’ll never get those words back. Don’t be a statistic. A fountain pen is the only thing that can keep up with your outpouring of brilliance. Why else would they call it a fountain pen?

Tip #3

Don’t edit.

You’ve only got so much time, and that time is best spent thinking about writing. Besides, you’re not letting junk clutter up your brain-word-tanks. You’ve been thinking too hard about writing to be anything less than perfect.

Tip #4

While you’re wielding your properly filled gallon-capacity fountain pen, you should squeeze that pen as hard as you can.

The goal here is to make your fingers numb, because you don’t want those feeling fingers to get between you and all those words that you’re Fooshing onto the page. By removing the feeling from your fingers, you are actually bringing your actual self closer to the actual work.

Your words will be more pure than if those words had to pass from your brain all the way down your arm, out through your fingers, through the walls of your reinforced, proper, fountain pen, and into the ink. That’s a long way to travel for those words. They are already doing so much for you already, why not make it as easy on them as possible? If you can extend numbness to your entire arm, so much the better.

Tip #5

Use up time.

Publishing takes a really long time to happen. You’ll want to get all of that extra time out of the way beforehand. A good technique to use is to write only on every third Sunday under the full moon. You can utilize all that extra time thinking about writing which, in turn, will make your Brain-Foosh more productive. Be careful to avoid Blow-outs.

By using up all of the publishing time on what experts call the “Front-endside,” when you’ve got your book done, there won’t be any time left to gradually get things done. The publisher will have to get right on things like publish your book, generate readership, put your book on the bestseller lists, etc. They like to be busy, so this is ok.

With proper timing, you can start collecting your bestseller royalties, and pick out a new house the next day.

Tip #6

It’s all about the journey, so try not to take things seriously. Give yourself a well-deserved break and get out to enjoy April Fool’s day.

That’s important too.

 

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